Saturday, April 17, 2010

Being a Spectator

Last week I surprised my husband with a date to see The 5 Browns in concert.  They were amazing.  Good entertainers and fabulous pianists.  Concerts like this are always so bittersweet for me - I love to go, I love to hear, but it's a little painful to think about how mediocre my playing has become.  I feel like I'm good enough to know that I'm not really that good after all.  That kind of hurts.  And it makes me squirm just a bit to think that I've chosen the path of the spectator.

In a way, my spectator-ness comes from how I define my role of wife/mom - we are building our family on traditional roles; Joseph's career provides the income and my career is my family.  It means we move where Joseph's job is, it means I spend the majority of my time taking care of other people's messes and problems and needs.  A lot of the work I do is invisible (the clothes magically get folded!  the dinner is magically placed on the table!)  And a lot of the work is instantly undone (the clothes are dirty on the floor again!  the children want THREE meals a day, AND snacks inbetween!)   

I don't think it's a coincidence that I came upon this quote from President Hinckley again last week.  It's pretty applicable here -- I think my real problem is not that my bachelor's degree in music is being 'wasted' or that the burden/blessing of being mom is that I am the invisible center of my child's universe.  I think my real problem is that I need to quit whining and be grateful. :)

"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he's been robbed.  The fact is that most putts don't drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, most jobs are more often dull than otherwise.  Life is like an old time rail journey... delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas, and thrilling bursts of speed.

The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."

Thank God the spectator can still enjoy the view!