I Get It

Warning: This is not an announcement, because there is nothing to announce. I am only noting an observation.

Phew! Now we have the disclaimer out of the way clearing up a topic I haven't even mentioned yet . . .

I know why people do it. You know, get pregnant while their baby is still,-- well, a baby.

Don't judge (never mind that what I'm about to explain is me judging others . . .), but I used to be pretty opinionated about motherhood, and when to have children, how many you should have and how far apart they should be spaced.

I'm not going to mince words here, I used to think that mothers who had children 18 months in age or closer were whacked out of their minds. Whether those childbirths were accidental or intentional, no one, and I mean no one, in their right mind would want children so close in age. I don't care how sleep deprived you are, logical people just don't think like that.

Then, I became a mother.

After several blissful months of caring for and loving the most easy-going baby sent to earth, I was hooked. I need another one. Right. A. Way.

I was addicted to my baby.

I needed another fix.

It was bitter sweet to see her grow and develop so quickly.

Why can't they be frozen in their cute little bodies?

Worried that the second time around getting pregnant would take another nine years (yes, it took almost nine years for us to get our first), we decided on baby number two much sooner than we would have had we known my body would get pregnant easily.

Both shocked and excited with pregnancy number two, we were well on our way to becoming the ideal American family of four.

Four is good. It's an even number. All basic dinner tables have seating for four. The average American home has three bedrooms, (ideal for a couple and two children). If you ever win a trip somewhere, almost always, the prize is for a family of four.

So why would I consider making our family an odd number?

Maybe it's because my eight month old baby always smells like bubble gum. Maybe it's because his cheeks are so soft and kissable. It could be because he just sprouted his first tooth after waking up so happy with adorable bed head.

I'm not sure, but something is pulling at me saying, "You need another one. He is developing so fast (my son is only eight months old . . .), YOU NEED ANOTHER FIX."

So I get it now. It's like you don't have a choice. You just start listening to the voices in your heart and go for it.

Like I said before, this is not an announcement in any way, shape, or form (don't even read through the lines). All I'm saying, is that my new-open-minded-non-judgmental-self GETS IT.

You want to have seven children all spaced 11 months apart?

I won't judge.

Using "a carrot and a stick" in teaching your kids to Be Nice

Or rather, "beans and rice".

This is another gem from my very own parents (see Super Kid post).

Do you ever feel like you are always asking your kids to do the same exact things? (put away your shoes, put away your backpack, put away your dirty socks, etc.) Or NOT to do the same exact things?! (please stop chewing with your mouth open, please stop provoking your brother, please stop singing the Thomas song, etc.) Can you tell I have all boys? :)

Do you ever feel sad that your sons don't open the door for you? Or that no one appreciates the okra stew you spent two hours making?

Do you ever wish that you could ask your children to do/not to do something without that sound of barely subdued rage in your voice?

Well, I do. (I actually don't make okra stew, though. That sounds faintly disgusting.)

Mom and Dad also got fed up with this type of repetitiveness in parenting, and devised the following method.

 

1. Get a bowl of beans (dry pinto beans) and a bowl of white rice

2. Get cute little containers, one for each of your children who are old enough to be expected to obey, and label them with their names.

3. Explain to your little sweethearts that there is a new game you'll be playing every day. And there will be a prize at the end of each day.

4. "Here are the rules: When you do something nice, I will give you a bean. When I ask you to do something and you cheerfully do it, I will give you a bean. When you do something REALLY nice without my asking (like hold the door open for me when I'm Primary President and trying desperately to carry armloads of handouts and my scriptures and your "reverence" stuff into the church without letting your little brother escape back to the parking lot), you get MORE, like maybe even FIVE BEANS.

"When you do something naughty, I give you a rice. When you disobey, I give you a rice (think: then make sure you obey! :).

"For each rice you have, you will lose two of your beans when we count them."

5. At the end of the day (I usually do this after supper, when they're still at the table), I bring over the cute little containers, and we tally up the scores. For each bean, I give the little sweethearts an MnM or a chocolate chip. Some days they don't get any! But usually they get probably around 15-20.

Another way of rewarding with the beans is to let them save up for something. Like, "when you have 50 beans, I'll take you to DQ for a dilly bar." (Or if you prefer something more healthy, "when you have 50 beans, I'll make you your very own pot of okra stew.")

Anyway. It's a great system! Our boys have started racing to the door to open it for me (good thing there are two sets into the church!) :)

Tweak this any way you would like. . . .whatever works in your family! It's nice to have a ready reward and a ready consequence even for the little things.

Thanks to Wikimedia Commons  for the pix, except the "bean and rice cart" one is my very own.

{Super Kid!} A solution to sibling skirmishes

My parents started this with me and my 7 siblings while we were growing up when we couldn't seem to find a fair way to see who would be allowed to sit shotgun on the way to school. (Nowadays that's not a problem, eh? At least until the kids are 12! :)

So here's how it works:

One child is "Super Kid" for the week. His job is to set the table. He gets to "sit shotgun". If there's one extra cookie left, Super Kid gets it. If there are three different kinds to choose from, Super Kid chooses first.

Also, he gets to go on a "Super Kid Date" with Mom or Dad! That's one of my favorite parts, because it ensures that I will get one-on-one time with each of my boys to just go do something fun. Often we have Super Kid dates at home during Quiet Time or after bedtime, and they just LOVE that! We'll do a puzzle or play a game, and of course, have a treat.

Super Kid rotates to the next oldest child on Monday night. After Family Home Evening, as we're eating our refreshments, the new Super Kid is required to say something nice about each person in the family.

This system worked really well in my family growing up. If there were 8 popsicles to choose from and we all wanted the red one, Mom would always say, "Super Kid order." We knew that meant Super Kid got to choose first, then 2nd Super Kid, then 3rd, etc. (in order of age). This was nice because it was fair. It wasn't always the oldest getting her way. :)

So now we do it with our boys, and I can't tell you how many arguments it prevents. Thanks, Mom and Dad!

Random Thoughts

How wonderful it will be to learn from you all! Thanks Andrea! I thought I'd start things off by posting 2 random comments...

#1 I'm grateful for people that are willing to help. Not just, "OK, I'll do it" (in a flat voice), but, "Sure, I'd LOVE to serve in nursery with those 10 great children! I've been praying for this calling." Yes, someone actually said that to me and meant it! After serving in this incredibly huge primary in a ward full of tired young families with almost non-existent husbands that still manage to do what is asked (many husbands are in medical residencies and super busy), I will always serve with a smile when asked to do something I may or may not want to do.

#2 I've been strugging with kids that WHINE and COMPLAIN about doing simple chores, like brushing their teeth or picking up toys ("then let your teeth fall out and I"ll take all the toys to Goodwill"). I'm sure noone else experiences this. Well, I found a gem of advice. Instead of asking for something to be done, just describe the situation. Example: "There's some playdough on the floor." or "Your toothbrush has toothpaste on it." Sounds silly, but most of the time my kids pick up the playdough and brush their teeth and I didn't even ask them to...atleast not really.